Chapter 19

SECTION 67At this point, however, there arises a somewhat difficult question: whether new friends who are worthy of friendship should ever be preferred to old ones, just as we are accustomed to prefer young horses to aged ones. The doubt is unworthy of a human being. For there should be no satiety in friendships, as there is in other things. The oldest friendships, like wines that bear aging, should be the sweetest; and the saying is true that many bushels of salt must be eaten together before the full duty of friendship has been discharged.

SECTION 68New friendships, however, if they offer hope that fruit will appear, as it does on plants that do not disappoint us, are certainly not to be rejected; yet old friendship must be preserved in its proper place, for the power of age and habit is very great. Indeed, in the case of the very horse I mentioned just now, if nothing stands in the way, everyone would rather use the one to which he is accustomed than one that is untrained and new. Nor does habit exert its force only upon this, which is a living creature, but also upon inanimate things, since we take delight in the very places—even mountainous and wooded places—in which we have long resided.

SECTION 69But the most important thing in friendship is that the superior should make himself equal to the inferior. For there are often certain distinctions of eminence, such as Scipio possessed within our little circle, so to speak. Yet he never placed himself above Philus, or Rupilius, or Mummius, or any of his friends of lower rank. His brother Quintus Maximus, indeed, an altogether excellent man but by no means his equal, Scipio treated as his superior because he was older; and he wished all his friends to become more distinguished through his support.

SECTION 70This is what all men should do and imitate: if they have attained any excellence of character, intellect, or fortune, they should share it with their own people and impart it to those nearest them. Thus, if they were born of humble parents, or if they have relatives weaker either in spirit or in fortune, they should increase their resources and bring them honor and dignity. So in the stories, those who for some time lived in servitude because their stock and lineage were unknown, when they are recognized and discovered to be the sons of gods or kings, nevertheless retain their affection for the shepherds whom for many years they regarded as their fathers. Surely this ought to be done far more in the case of real and acknowledged fathers. For the greatest fruit of intellect, virtue, and every kind of excellence is reaped when it is bestowed upon each of those nearest to us.

SECTION 67At this point, however, a rather difficult question arises: whether new friends who are worthy of friendship should ever be preferred to old ones, just as we are accustomed to prefer young horses to old ones. The doubt is unworthy of a human being. There should be no weariness of friendships, as there is of other things. The oldest friendships, like wines that improve with age, ought to be the sweetest. And the saying is true that many bushels of salt must be eaten together before the duties of friendship are fulfilled.

SECTION 68New friendships, however, if they offer hope—if the prospect of fruit appears in them, as it does in plants that will not disappoint us—should certainly not be rejected. Yet old friendship must be preserved in its proper place, for age and familiarity have very great power. Indeed, in the case of the very horse I mentioned just now, if nothing prevents it, everyone would rather use the one he is accustomed to than an untrained and unfamiliar one. And familiarity has power not only in the case of an animal, but even in the case of inanimate things, since we delight in the very places, even mountainous and wooded ones, where we have lived for a long time.

SECTION 69But the most important thing in friendship is for the superior to make himself equal to the inferior. For there are often certain forms of preeminence, such as Scipio possessed within our circle, so to speak. He never placed himself above Philus, or Rupilius, or Mummius, or any of his friends of lower rank. He treated his brother Q. Maximus, a thoroughly distinguished man but by no means his equal, as his superior because Maximus was older; and he wanted all his friends to be able to become more distinguished through his help.

SECTION 70Everyone should act in this way and imitate this example: if they have attained some superiority in virtue, ability, or fortune, they should share it with their own people and make it available to those closest to them. If they were born to parents of humble station, or have relatives weaker in either spirit or fortune, they should increase their resources and bring them honor and dignity. So in stories, those who have spent some time in servitude because they did not know their ancestry and family, when they are recognized and discovered to be the children of gods or kings, nevertheless retain their affection for the shepherds whom for many years they regarded as their fathers. This should certainly be done far more for one’s true and acknowledged parents. For the greatest benefit from ability, virtue, and every kind of excellence is gained when it is bestowed on each of those closest to us.