Chapter 8

18 How did it enter your head to remind us that you were brought up in Publius Lentulus’s house? Were you afraid we might think nature alone could have made you so wicked, without the help of training? So senseless were you that throughout your speech you contradicted yourself: not merely saying things that failed to fit together, but things utterly disconnected and opposed. Your quarrel was less with me than with yourself. You admitted your stepfather’s part in that enormous crime, yet complained that he was punished. Thus you praised what was mine alone and condemned what belonged entirely to the senate. The arrest of the guilty was my doing; their punishment was the senate’s. Our eloquent speaker does not understand that he praises the man he is attacking and condemns the men he is addressing.

19 Then consider what audacity it took—I should not say audacity, for he likes to be called audacious, but stupidity, the quality he least wants named and in which he surpasses everyone—to mention the Capitoline slope while armed men move among our benches; while here, immortal gods, in this very sanctuary of Concord, where during my consulship the saving resolutions were pronounced that have kept us alive to this day, men stand posted with swords! Accuse the senate; accuse the equestrian order, which then stood united with it; accuse every rank, every citizen, provided you admit that this body is at this very moment hemmed in by Ituraeans. It is not daring that lets you speak with such shamelessness: you cannot see how completely the facts contradict you. You understand nothing at all. What could be madder than to take up arms yourself to ruin the republic and reproach another for taking them up to save it?

20 At one point you even tried to be witty. Good gods, how ill it suited you! And there you are not entirely blameless: you might have picked up a little wit from your mime-actress wife. “Let arms yield to the toga.” Well? Did they not yield then? But afterward the toga yielded to your arms. Let us ask which was better: that criminals’ weapons should yield to the Roman people’s liberty, or that our liberty should yield to your weapons. I shall answer no further about my verses. I shall say only this: you understand neither them nor literature of any kind. I have never failed the republic or my friends; yet in every kind of writing, by work done in spare hours, I have contrived that my sleepless labor and my books should bring some benefit to the young and some glory to the Roman name. But this is not the time for that. Let us turn to greater matters.

18 Why did you think of reminding us of that? You grew up in Publius Lentulus’s house. Were you afraid we’d think nature alone could make you this wicked? Did we need to know you’d had training too? You were so mindless that you contradicted yourself throughout your speech. Your statements didn’t just fail to fit together. They were completely opposed and directly contradictory. Your quarrel with yourself was bigger than your quarrel with me. You admitted your stepfather’s part in that terrible crime. Then you complained that he was punished. So you praised the part that was mine alone. You criticized the part that belonged entirely to the Senate. I arrested the guilty men. The Senate imposed their punishment. This gifted speaker doesn’t understand what he’s doing. He’s praising the man he’s speaking against. He’s insulting the men he’s speaking before.

19 Then there’s your mention of the Capitoline slope. What does that show? Not boldness, though you want to seem bold. It shows stupidity, where you beat everyone—something you don’t want. Armed men are moving among our benches right now. Immortal gods! Here in Concord’s very sanctuary, men stand posted with swords. Here, during my consulship, senators gave the advice that saved us. We’ve survived to this day because of it. Accuse the Senate. Accuse the knights, who joined the Senate then. Accuse every rank, every citizen. Just admit that Ituraeans surround this body right now. Your boldness doesn’t explain these shameless statements. You simply can’t see how completely the situations clash. You really have no sense. What could be crazier? You’ve taken up weapons to destroy the republic. Yet you attack someone else for weapons that saved it.

20 At one point, you even tried to be funny. Good gods, how badly that suited you! You deserve some blame for that too. You could’ve picked up some wit from your mime-actress wife. “Let weapons give way to the toga.” Well? Didn’t they give way then? Later, though, the toga gave way to your weapons. So let’s ask which was better. Was it better for criminals’ weapons to yield to the Roman people’s freedom? Or for our freedom to yield to your weapons? I won’t give you a longer answer about my verses. I’ll just say this briefly. You don’t understand them, or any literature at all. I’ve never let down the republic or my friends. Still, I’ve used my spare working hours for writing of every kind. My late nights and my books have achieved something. They’ve helped young people and brought honor to Rome’s name. But this isn’t the time for that. Let’s look at bigger matters.