Chapter 17

42 What astonished me most, though, was that you dared mention inheritances when you had not accepted your own father’s.

Was it to assemble these charges, utter madman, that you spent so many days practicing speeches in another man’s villa? Yet your closest associates keep saying that you practice to breathe out the wine, not to sharpen your mind. You even employ a teacher for amusement, a rhetorician chosen by your own vote and that of your drinking companions. You have allowed him to say whatever he likes against you—a witty man, certainly, though you and your friends make easy targets. But see the difference between you and your grandfather: he spoke deliberately and to the point of the case; you speak at a gallop and beside the point.

43 And what a fee that rhetorician received! Listen, senators, listen, and learn the wounds inflicted on the republic. You assigned two thousand iugera of the Leontine plain to the rhetorician Sextus Clodius, tax-free at that, so that at such expense to the Roman people you might learn to understand nothing. Was this too, most shameless man, found in Caesar’s memoranda? But elsewhere I shall speak of the Leontine and Campanian lands, which he tore from the republic and polluted with the most disgraceful occupants. Now that I have sufficiently answered his accusations, I must say something about this reformer and corrector of ours himself. I shall not pour everything out: if we must contest the matter again, as we shall, I want always to come with something new. His multitude of vices and offenses generously supplies me with that opportunity.

42 Still, what surprised me most was your daring to mention inheritances. You didn’t even accept your own father’s estate.

You complete madman! Did you spend all those days practicing speeches in someone else’s country house just to put this together? Your closest friends keep saying why you practice. It’s to blow off wine fumes, not sharpen your mind. Still, you bring in a teacher for laughs. He’s a public-speaking teacher because you and your drinking buddies say so. You’ve let him say whatever he likes about you. He’s certainly witty. But you and your friends make easy targets for jokes. Now look at the difference between you and your grandfather. He spoke slowly and helped his case. You race through things that have nothing to do with yours.

43 But what a fee that teacher got! Listen, listen, senators! See how the republic has been wounded. You gave Sextus Clodius, the public-speaking teacher, two thousand iugera on the plain of Leontini. And you made them tax-free. The Roman people paid all that for you to learn to be a fool. Is this also in Caesar’s records, you utterly shameless man? I’ll discuss the land at Leontini elsewhere, along with the land in Campania. This man stole those lands from the republic. He polluted them with the most disgraceful occupants. I’ve now answered his accusations well enough. It’s time to say something about this man who’s correcting and reforming us. I won’t pour everything out. If we have to fight again—as we will—I’ll always come with something fresh. His countless faults and misdeeds give me that freedom.