Book 2, Chapter 24

51 “Do we need Carneades to refute this? Or Epicurus? Is anyone so foolish as to believe that someone was plowed up—shall I call him god or man? If a god, why had he hidden himself underground, contrary to nature, to see daylight only when a plow uncovered him? Could this same god not have taught his discipline to human beings from a higher station? But if Tages was a man, how could he live buried under the earth? And where could he himself have learned what he taught others? Yet I am more foolish than the believers themselves, spending so long arguing against them.

“That old remark of Cato's is very shrewd: he used to say he wondered how one haruspex could see another without laughing.

52 “How few of their predictions ever come true! And if something does come true, what reason can be offered why it should not have happened by chance? When Hannibal, then an exile at his court, urged a decisive battle, King Prusias said he dared not fight because the entrails forbade it. ‘What is that you say?’ Hannibal asked. ‘Would you rather trust a little piece of veal than a veteran commander?’ And Caesar himself: when a leading haruspex warned him not to cross to Africa before the winter solstice, did he not cross? Had he not done so, all his enemies' forces would have gathered in one place. Why should I list the responses of haruspices—I could give countless examples—that either went unfulfilled or had the opposite outcome?

53 “In this civil war, immortal gods, how often they deceived us! What responses of the haruspices were sent from Rome to us in Greece! What predictions were made to Pompey! He was deeply influenced by entrails and portents. I have no wish to recall them, nor is it necessary, especially for you, who were there. Yet you see that almost everything turned out contrary to their pronouncements. But enough of this; let us now turn to portents.

51 “Must we call on Carneades to disprove such claims? Must we call on Epicurus? Who could be stupid enough to believe a plow dug up a being—whether god or human? If a god, why had he hidden himself in the earth against nature, to see the light when a plow uncovered him? Couldn’t the same god have taught people this system from somewhere above? But suppose Tages was human. How did he survive with earth piled over him? Where did his own knowledge come from, before he passed it on? But I am more foolish than the people who believe these things, since I spend so long arguing against them.

“Cato’s old remark is very clever. He said he was surprised that one haruspex did not laugh when he saw another.

52 “For how many of their predictions ever come true? And if something does happen, what reason can be given why it did not happen by chance? Hannibal, then living in exile at King Prusias’ court, wanted to fight a decisive battle. Prusias said he did not dare, because the internal organs forbade it. ‘Really?’ Hannibal said. ‘Would you rather trust a bit of calf’s flesh than an experienced general?’ And when a leading haruspex warned Caesar himself not to cross to Africa before the winter solstice, didn’t he cross anyway? Without that crossing, the enemy would have concentrated all their troops at one spot. What need is there to go through the haruspices’ forecasts—I could give countless examples—that either never came true or turned out the other way?

53 “Immortal gods! Think how often they made fools of us during this civil war! What predictions of haruspices were sent to us in Greece from Rome! What things they told Pompey! He was very much influenced by internal organs and portents. I do not care to recall them. Nor is it necessary: you in particular were present. You can see, though, that the outcome contradicted their predictions in almost every case. But enough of this. Now let us turn to portents.