Voltaire · Complete work
Chapter VI
Chapter VI of 30. Read it here for reference, or continue through the entire work without leaving the reader.
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Comment on fit un bel auto-da-fé pour empêcher les tremblements de terre, et comment Candide fut fessé.
Après le tremblement de terre qui avait détruit les trois quarts de Lisbonne, les sages du pays n’avaient pas trouvé un moyen plus efficace pour prévenir une ruine totale que de donner au peuple un bel auto-da-fé; il était décidé par l’université de Coïmbre que le spectacle de quelques personnes brûlées à petit feu, en grande cérémonie, est un secret infaillible pour empêcher la terre de trembler.
On avait en conséquence saisi un Biscayen convaincu d’avoir épousé sa commère, et deux Portugais qui en mangeant un poulet en avaient arraché le lard: on vint lier après le dîner le docteur Pangloss et son disciple Candide, l’un pour avoir parlé, et l’autre pour l’avoir écouté avec un air d’approbation: tous deux furent menés séparément dans des appartements d’une extrême fraîcheur, dans lesquels on n’était jamais incommodé du soleil: huit jours après ils furent tous deux revêtus d’un san-benito, et on orna leurs têtes de mitres de papier: la mitre et le san-benito de Candide étaient peints de flammes renversées, et de diables qui n’avaient ni queues ni griffes; mais les diables de Pangloss portaient griffes et queues, et les flammes étaient droites. Ils marchèrent en procession ainsi vêtus, et entendirent un sermon très pathétique, suivi d’une belle musique en faux-bourdon. Candide fut fessé en cadence, pendant qu’on chantait; le Biscayen et les deux hommes qui n’avaient point voulu manger de lard furent brûlés, et Pangloss fut pendu, quoique ce ne soit pas la coutume. Le même jour la terre trembla de nouveau avec un fracas épouvantable.
Candide épouvanté, interdit, éperdu, tout sanglant, tout palpitant, se disait à lui-même: Si c’est ici le meilleur des mondes possibles, que sont donc les autres? passe encore si je n’étais que fessé, je l’ai été chez les Bulgares; mais, ô mon cher Pangloss! le plus grand des philosophes, faut-il vous avoir vu pendre, sans que je sache pourquoi! ô mon cher anabaptiste! le meilleur des hommes, faut-il que vous ayez été noyé dans le port! ô mademoiselle Cunégonde! la perle des filles, faut-il qu’on vous ait fendu le ventre!
Il s’en retournait, se soutenant à peine, prêché, fessé, absous, et béni, lorsqu’une vieille l’aborda, et lui dit: Mon fils, prenez courage, suivez-moi.
Musean translation
Mouseia’s complete machine-assisted Musean translation, made directly from the French text of all thirty chapters (Beuchot edition, 1829) for fidelity, the author’s force and cadence, and modern clarity. The editor’s notes are omitted.
How a Splendid Auto-da-fé Was Held to Prevent Earthquakes, and How Candide Was Flogged.
After the earthquake that had destroyed three quarters of Lisbon, the country's wise men could find no more effective way to prevent its total ruin than to put on a splendid auto-da-fé for the people. The University of Coimbra had decided that the spectacle of a few people slowly burned to death, in a grand ceremony, was an infallible secret for keeping the earth from shaking.
Accordingly, they had arrested a Biscayan found guilty of marrying his child's godmother, and two Portuguese who had pulled the bacon off a chicken before eating it. After dinner they came to bind Doctor Pangloss and his disciple Candide, one for having spoken and the other for listening with an approving air. Both were taken separately to exceedingly cool rooms where the sun never troubled anyone. Eight days later they were both dressed in sanbenitos, and their heads adorned with paper miters. Candide's miter and sanbenito were painted with inverted flames and devils without tails or claws; but Pangloss's devils had tails and claws, and his flames pointed upward. Dressed like this, they marched in procession and heard a deeply moving sermon, followed by fine music in fauxbourdon. Candide was flogged in time with the singing; the Biscayan and the two men who had refused to eat bacon were burned, and Pangloss was hanged, though that is not the custom. That same day the earth shook again with a dreadful roar.
Candide, terrified, stunned, distraught, bleeding and trembling all over, said to himself, “If this is the best of all possible worlds, what are the others like? I could accept being merely flogged; that happened to me among the Bulgarians. But, oh, my dear Pangloss! Greatest of philosophers, must I see you hanged without even knowing why? Oh, my dear Anabaptist! Best of men, must you have drowned in the harbor? Oh, Cunégonde! Pearl of young ladies, must they have split open your belly?”
He was making his way back, barely able to stand, having been preached at, flogged, absolved, and blessed, when an old woman approached him and said, “My son, take heart and follow me.”
Plain English translation
Mouseia’s complete Plain English edition, made independently and directly from the French text of all thirty chapters (Beuchot edition, 1829). The editor’s notes are omitted.
How they staged a splendid auto-da-fé to prevent earthquakes, and how Candide was flogged.
After the earthquake destroyed three quarters of Lisbon, the wise men of the country could think of no better way to prevent total destruction than to give the people a splendid auto-da-fé. The University of Coimbra had decided that ceremonially burning a few people slowly was a sure way to stop the earth from shaking.
So they arrested a man from Biscay who was found guilty of marrying the woman whose child he had sponsored at baptism, and two Portuguese men who had pulled the bacon off a chicken before eating it. After dinner they came to tie up Doctor Pangloss and his student Candide, the first for speaking and the second for listening with an approving look. They took the two men separately to rooms that were extremely cool, where the sun never bothered anyone. Eight days later, both were dressed in the penitential robes called sanbenitos, and paper miters were put on their heads. Candide's miter and robe were painted with upside-down flames and devils that had no tails or claws. Pangloss's devils had claws and tails, and his flames pointed up. Dressed this way, they walked in a procession and heard a very moving sermon, followed by fine music sung in a simple harmony. Candide was flogged in time with the singing. The man from Biscay and the two men who had refused to eat bacon were burned, and Pangloss was hanged, though that was not the usual practice. The earth shook again that same day with a terrifying crash.
Candide was frightened, stunned, beside himself, bloody, and shaking. He said to himself, "If this is the best of all possible worlds, what must the others be like? I could bear it if I had only been flogged. That happened to me among the Bulgars. But oh, my dear Pangloss, greatest of philosophers! Did I have to see you hanged without knowing why? Oh, my dear Anabaptist, the best of men! Did you have to drown in the harbor? Oh, Miss Cunégonde, the finest of girls! Did they have to cut open your belly?"
He was making his way back, barely able to stand, after being preached at, flogged, absolved, and blessed, when an old woman came up to him. "My son," she said, "take heart and follow me."