Voltaire · Complete work
Chapter XII
Chapter XII of 30. Read it here for reference, or continue through the entire work without leaving the reader.
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Suite des malheurs de la vieille.
Étonnée et ravie d’entendre la langue de ma patrie, et non moins surprise des paroles que proférait cet homme, je lui répondis qu’il y avait de plus grands malheurs que celui dont il se plaignait; je l’instruisis en peu de mots des horreurs que j’avais essuyées, et je retombai en faiblesse. Il m’emporta dans une maison voisine, me fit mettre au lit, me fit donner à manger, me servit, me consola, me flatta, me dit qu’il n’avait rien vu de si beau que moi, et que jamais il n’avait tant regretté ce que personne ne pouvait lui rendre. Je suis né à Naples, me dit-il; on y chaponne deux ou trois mille enfants tous les ans; les uns en meurent, les autres acquièrent une voix plus belle que celle des femmes, les autres vont gouverner des états. On me fit cette opération avec un très grand succès, et j’ai été musicien de la chapelle de madame la princesse de Palestrine. De ma mère! m’écriai-je. De votre mère! s’écria-t-il en pleurant: quoi! vous seriez cette jeune princesse que j’ai élevée jusqu’à l’âge de six ans, et qui promettait déjà d’être aussi belle que vous êtes?—C’est moi-même; ma mère est à quatre cents pas d’ici coupée en quartiers sous un tas de morts…..
Je lui contai tout ce qui m’était arrivé; il me conta aussi ses aventures, et m’apprit comment il avait été envoyé chez le roi de Maroc par une puissance chrétienne, pour conclure avec ce monarque un traité par lequel on lui fournirait de la poudre, des canons, et des vaisseaux, pour l’aider à exterminer le commerce des autres chrétiens. Ma mission est faite, dit cet honnête eunuque; je vais m’embarquer à Ceuta, et je vous ramènerai en Italie. Ma che sciagura d’essere senza coglioni!
Je le remerciai avec des larmes d’attendrissement; et au lieu de me mener en Italie, il me conduisit à Alger, et me vendit au dey de cette province. A peine fus-je vendue, que cette peste qui a fait le tour de l’Afrique, de l’Asie, de l’Europe, se déclara dans Alger avec fureur. Vous avez vu des tremblements de terre; mais, mademoiselle, avez-vous jamais eu la peste? Jamais, répondit la baronne.
Si vous l’aviez eue, reprit la vieille, vous avoueriez qu’elle est bien au-dessus d’un tremblement de terre. Elle est fort commune en Afrique; j’en fus attaquée. Figurez-vous quelle situation pour la fille d’un pape, âgée de quinze ans, qui en trois mois de temps avait éprouvé la pauvreté, l’esclavage, avait été violée presque tous les jours, avait vu couper sa mère en quatre, avait essuyé la faim et la guerre, et mourait pestiférée dans Alger! Je n’en mourus pourtant pas; mais mon eunuque et le dey, et presque tout le sérail d’Alger périrent.
Quand les premiers ravages de cette épouvantable peste furent passés, on vendit les esclaves du dey. Un marchand m’acheta, et me mena à Tunis; il me vendit à un autre marchand qui me revendit à Tripoli; de Tripoli je fus revendue à Alexandrie, d’Alexandrie revendue à Smyrne; de Smyrne à Constantinople. J’appartins enfin à un aga des janissaires, qui fut bientôt commandé pour aller défendre Azof contre les Russes qui l’assiégeaient.
L’aga, qui était un très galant homme, mena avec lui tout son sérail, et nous logea dans un petit fort sur les Palus-Méotides, gardé par deux eunuques noirs et vingt soldats. On tua prodigieusement de Russes, mais ils nous le rendirent bien: Azof fut mis à feu et à sang, et on ne pardonna ni au sexe, ni à l’âge; il ne resta que notre petit fort; les ennemis voulurent nous prendre par famine. Les vingt janissaires avaient juré de ne se jamais rendre. Les extrémités de la faim où ils furent réduits les contraignirent à manger nos deux eunuques, de peur de violer leur serment. Au bout de quelques jours ils résolurent de manger les femmes.
Nous avions un iman très pieux et très compatissant, qui leur fit un beau sermon par lequel il leur persuada de ne nous pas tuer tout-à-fait. Coupez, dit-il, seulement une fesse à chacune de ces dames, vous ferez très bonne chère; s’il faut y revenir, vous en aurez encore autant dans quelques jours; le ciel vous saura gré d’une action si charitable, et vous serez secourus.
Il avait beaucoup d’éloquence; il les persuada: on nous fit cette horrible opération; l’iman nous appliqua le même baume qu’on met aux enfants qu’on vient de circoncire: nous étions toutes à la mort.
A peine les janissaires eurent-ils fait le repas que nous leur avions fourni, que les Russes arrivent sur des bateaux plats; pas un janissaire ne réchappa. Les Russes ne firent aucune attention à l’état où nous étions. Il y a partout des chirurgiens français: un d’eux qui était fort adroit prit soin de nous, il nous guérit; et je me souviendrai toute ma vie, que quand mes plaies furent bien fermées, il me fit des propositions. Au reste, il nous dit à toutes de nous consoler; il nous assura que dans plusieurs sièges pareille chose était arrivée, et que c’était la loi de la guerre.
Dès que mes compagnes purent marcher, on les fit aller à Moscou; j’échus en partage à un boïard qui me fit sa jardinière, et qui me donnait vingt coups de fouet par jour; mais ce seigneur ayant été roué au bout de deux ans avec une trentaine de boïards pour quelque tracasserie de cour, je profitai de cette aventure; je m’enfuis; je traversai toute la Russie; je fus long-temps servante de cabaret à Riga, puis à Rostock, à Vismar, à Leipsick, à Cassel, à Utrecht, à Leyde, à la Haye, à Rotterdam: j’ai vieilli dans la misère et dans l’opprobre, n’ayant que la moitié d’un derrière, me souvenant toujours que j’étais fille d’un pape; je voulus cent fois me tuer, mais j’aimais encore la vie. Cette faiblesse ridicule est peut-être un de nos penchants les plus funestes; car y a-t-il rien de plus sot que de vouloir porter continuellement un fardeau qu’on veut toujours jeter par terre; d’avoir son être en horreur, et de tenir à son être; enfin de caresser le serpent qui nous dévore, jusqu’à ce qu’il nous ait mangé le coeur?
J’ai vu dans les pays que le sort m’a fait parcourir, et dans les cabarets où j’ai servi, un nombre prodigieux de personnes qui avaient leur existence en exécration; mais je n’en ai vu que douze qui aient mis volontairement fin à leur misère, trois nègres, quatre Anglais, quatre Genevois, et un professeur allemand nommé Robeck. J’ai fini par être servante chez le Juif don Issachar; il me mit auprès de vous, ma belle demoiselle; je me suis attachée à votre destinée, et j’ai été plus occupée de vos aventures que des miennes. Je ne vous aurais même jamais parlé de mes malheurs, si vous ne m’aviez pas un peu piquée, et s’il n’était d’usage, dans un vaisseau, de conter des histoires pour se désennuyer. Enfin, mademoiselle, j’ai de l’expérience, je connais le monde; donnez-vous un plaisir, engagez chaque passager à vous conter son histoire, et s’il s’en trouve un seul qui n’ait souvent maudit sa vie, qui ne se soit souvent dit à lui-même qu’il était le plus malheureux des hommes, jetez-moi dans la mer la tête la première.
Musean translation
Mouseia’s complete machine-assisted Musean translation, made directly from the French text of all thirty chapters (Beuchot edition, 1829) for fidelity, the author’s force and cadence, and modern clarity. The editor’s notes are omitted.
The Old Woman’s Misfortunes Continue.
“Astonished and delighted to hear the language of my homeland, and no less surprised by the words this man uttered, I replied that there were worse misfortunes than the one he lamented. I told him briefly of the horrors I had endured, and fainted again. He carried me into a nearby house, had me put to bed and given food, attended to me, comforted me, flattered me, told me that he had never seen anyone so beautiful and had never so bitterly regretted what no one could give back to him. ‘I was born in Naples,’ he told me. ‘Two or three thousand children are castrated there every year. Some die of it; others acquire a voice lovelier than a woman’s; still others go on to govern states. The operation was performed on me with great success, and I served as a musician in the chapel of the princess of Palestrine.’ ‘My mother!’ I cried. ‘Your mother!’ he exclaimed, weeping. ‘What! Are you that young princess I cared for until she was six years old, who already promised to be as beautiful as you are?’ ‘I am. My mother lies four hundred paces away, cut into quarters under a heap of corpses…’
“I told him everything that had happened to me. He told me his adventures in turn and explained how a Christian power had sent him to the king of Morocco to conclude a treaty under which that monarch would be supplied with gunpowder, cannon, and ships to help him destroy the trade of other Christians. ‘My mission is accomplished,’ said this worthy eunuch. ‘I am about to embark at Ceuta, and I shall take you back to Italy. But what a misfortune to be without balls!’
“I thanked him with tears of tenderness. Instead of taking me to Italy, he took me to Algiers and sold me to the dey of that province. No sooner had I been sold than the plague which had made its way around Africa, Asia, and Europe broke out with fury in Algiers. You have seen earthquakes; but, young lady, have you ever had the plague?” “Never,” answered the baroness.
“Had you had it,” the old woman continued, “you would acknowledge that it is far worse than an earthquake. It is very common in Africa; I contracted it. Imagine the plight of a pope’s daughter, fifteen years old, who in three months had known poverty and slavery, been raped almost every day, seen her mother cut into four pieces, endured hunger and war, and was dying of plague in Algiers! Yet I did not die of it. My eunuch did, and so did the dey and almost all the women of the Algiers seraglio.
“When the first ravages of this dreadful plague had passed, the dey’s slaves were sold. A merchant bought me and took me to Tunis; he sold me to another merchant, who sold me again in Tripoli. From Tripoli I was resold in Alexandria; from Alexandria in Smyrna; from Smyrna in Constantinople. At last I belonged to an aga of the janissaries, who was soon ordered to defend Azof against the Russians laying siege to it.
“The aga, a most gallant man, took his entire seraglio with him and lodged us in a little fort on the Palus-Méotides, guarded by two black eunuchs and twenty soldiers. A prodigious number of Russians were killed, but they repaid us in kind. Azof was put to fire and sword, and neither sex nor age was spared. Only our little fort remained; the enemy sought to starve us out. The twenty janissaries had sworn never to surrender. The extremity of hunger to which they were reduced forced them to eat our two eunuchs, rather than break their oath. After a few days they resolved to eat the women.
“We had a very devout and compassionate imam who preached them a fine sermon and persuaded them not to kill us outright. ‘Cut only one buttock off each of these ladies,’ he said. ‘You will dine exceedingly well. If necessary, you will have just as much again in a few days. Heaven will reward so charitable a deed, and help will come to you.’
“He was very eloquent; he persuaded them. They performed this horrible operation on us. The imam applied the same balm that is used on children newly circumcised. We were all at death’s door.
“The janissaries had barely finished the meal we had furnished them when the Russians arrived in flat-bottomed boats. Not one janissary survived. The Russians paid no attention to our condition. There are French surgeons everywhere: one of them, a very skillful man, cared for us and cured us. I shall remember all my life that when my wounds had quite closed, he made advances to me. Moreover, he told us all to take comfort; he assured us that the same thing had happened in several sieges, and that it was the law of war.
“As soon as my companions could walk, they were sent to Moscow. I fell to the lot of a boyar who made me his gardener and gave me twenty lashes a day. But two years later that lord was broken on the wheel, along with some thirty other boyars, for some court intrigue. I took advantage of the event and escaped. I crossed all Russia. For a long time I was a tavern servant in Riga, then in Rostock, Vismar, Leipsick, Cassel, Utrecht, Leyde, The Hague, and Rotterdam. I have grown old in misery and disgrace, with only half a backside, always remembering that I was a pope’s daughter. A hundred times I wanted to kill myself, but I still loved life. This absurd weakness is perhaps one of our most ruinous inclinations. For what could be more foolish than forever bearing a burden one forever wishes to cast down; than loathing one’s existence and clinging to it; than fondling the serpent that devours us until it has eaten our heart?
“In the countries fate has made me cross, and in the taverns where I have served, I have seen a prodigious number of people who detested their existence. But I have seen only twelve who voluntarily put an end to their misery: three black men, four Englishmen, four Genevans, and a German professor named Robeck. At last I became a servant to the Jew Don Issachar. He placed me with you, my beautiful young lady; I attached myself to your fate and took more interest in your adventures than in my own. I would never even have spoken to you of my misfortunes had you not provoked me a little, and had it not been the custom on a ship to tell stories to relieve the tedium. In short, young lady, I have experience; I know the world. Indulge yourself: ask each passenger to tell you his story. If you find a single one who has not often cursed his life, who has not often told himself he is the unhappiest of men, throw me headfirst into the sea.”
Plain English translation
Mouseia’s complete Plain English edition, made independently and directly from the French text of all thirty chapters (Beuchot edition, 1829). The editor’s notes are omitted.
More of the Old Woman's Misfortunes.
“I was astonished and delighted to hear the language of my homeland. I was just as surprised by what the man was saying. I replied that there were worse misfortunes than the one he was complaining about. I briefly told him of the horrors I had endured, then fainted again. He carried me to a nearby house, had me put to bed and fed, looked after me, comforted and flattered me. He said he had never seen anyone as beautiful as I was, and had never so deeply regretted what no one could give back to him. ‘I was born in Naples,’ he told me. ‘They castrate two or three thousand children there every year. Some die from it. Others acquire voices more beautiful than women's. Still others go on to govern states. The operation on me was a great success, and I became a musician in the chapel of the princess of Palestrine.’ ‘My mother!’ I cried. ‘Your mother!’ he cried in tears. ‘What? Can you be the young princess I helped raise until she was six years old, who already showed signs of becoming as beautiful as you are?’ ‘I am. My mother is four hundred paces from here, cut into quarters beneath a heap of bodies…’
“I told him everything that had happened to me. He told me his adventures too. He explained that a Christian power had sent him to the king of Morocco to make a treaty with that monarch. It would supply him with gunpowder, cannons, and ships to help him destroy the trade of other Christians. ‘My mission is complete,’ said this respectable eunuch. ‘I'm going to board a ship at Ceuta and take you back to Italy. But what a misfortune to have no testicles!’
“I thanked him with tears of gratitude. But instead of taking me to Italy, he took me to Algiers and sold me to its ruler. As soon as I had been sold, the plague that traveled through Africa, Asia, and Europe broke out fiercely in Algiers. You have seen earthquakes. But, miss, have you ever had the plague?” “Never,” the baroness replied.
“If you had,” the old woman continued, “you would admit it is much worse than an earthquake. It is very common in Africa, and I caught it. Imagine what it was like for a pope's fifteen-year-old daughter. In three months she had suffered poverty and slavery, been raped almost every day, seen her mother cut into four pieces, gone through hunger and war, and was now dying of plague in Algiers! Yet I did not die. My eunuch and the ruler, though, and almost the entire harem of Algiers, died.
“Once the first devastation of this terrible plague was over, the ruler's slaves were sold. A merchant bought me and took me to Tunis. He sold me to another merchant, who resold me in Tripoli. From Tripoli I was resold to Alexandria, from Alexandria to Smyrna, and from Smyrna to Constantinople. At last I belonged to an officer of the Janissaries, who was soon ordered to defend Azof against the Russians besieging it.
“The officer was quite a ladies' man. He took his whole harem with him and housed us in a little fort on the Sea of Azov. Two Black eunuchs and twenty soldiers guarded it. Enormous numbers of Russians were killed, but they returned the favor. Azof was put to fire and sword, and neither women nor people of any age were spared. Only our little fort remained. The enemy tried to starve us into surrendering. The twenty Janissaries had sworn never to give up. Their desperate hunger forced them to eat our two eunuchs rather than break their oath. After a few days, they decided to eat the women.
“We had a very devout and compassionate imam. He gave them a fine sermon and persuaded them not to kill us completely. “Just cut off one buttock from each of these ladies,” he said. “You'll eat very well. If you need more, you'll have the same amount again in a few days. Heaven will thank you for so charitable an act, and help will come.”
“He was very persuasive, and they agreed. We underwent this horrible operation. The imam applied to us the same balm used on children just after they are circumcised. We were all near death.
“The Janissaries had barely finished the meal we had provided when the Russians arrived in flat-bottomed boats. Not one Janissary survived. The Russians paid no attention to our condition. There are French surgeons everywhere. One of them was very skilled. He cared for us and healed us. I will remember all my life that, once my wounds had completely closed, he made advances to me. He also told all of us to take heart. He assured us that the same thing had happened in several sieges and that it was a rule of war.
“As soon as my companions could walk, they were sent to Moscow. I was allotted to a boyar who made me his gardener and gave me twenty lashes a day. After two years, this lord and about thirty other boyars were broken on the wheel over some court intrigue. I took advantage of the event and escaped. I crossed all of Russia. For a long time I worked as a tavern servant, first in Riga, then in Rostock, Vismar, Leipsick, Cassel, Utrecht, Leyde, the Hague, and Rotterdam. I have grown old in poverty and disgrace, with only half a backside, always remembering that I was a pope's daughter. A hundred times I wanted to kill myself, but I still loved life. This ridiculous weakness may be one of our most harmful instincts. What could be more foolish than endlessly carrying a burden you keep wanting to put down? Or hating your own existence while clinging to it? Or, finally, stroking the snake that is eating you until it has devoured your heart?
“In the countries I have traveled through by chance and the taverns where I have worked, I have seen an enormous number of people who hated being alive. But I have seen only twelve who willingly put an end to their suffering: three Black men, four Englishmen, four men from Geneva, and a German professor named Robeck. In the end I became a servant in the household of the Jew don Issachar. He assigned me to you, my beautiful young lady. I have become attached to your fate and have paid more attention to your adventures than to my own. I would never even have spoken to you of my troubles if you had not stung me a little, and if people on ships did not usually tell stories to pass the time. In short, miss, I have experience. I know the world. Do something to amuse yourself: ask every passenger to tell you their story. If you find just one who has not often cursed their life and often said to themselves that they were the most miserable person alive, throw me headfirst into the sea.”