Voltaire · Complete work
Chapter I
Chapter I of 30. Read it here for reference, or continue through the entire work without leaving the reader.
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Comment Candide fut élevé dans un beau château, et comment il fut chassé d’icelui.
Il y avait en Vestphalie, dans le château de M. le baron de Thunder-ten-tronckh, un jeune garçon à qui la nature avait donné les moeurs les plus douces. Sa physionomie annonçait son âme. Il avait le jugement assez droit, avec l’esprit le plus simple; c’est, je crois, pour cette raison qu’on le nommait Candide. Les anciens domestiques de la maison soupçonnaient qu’il était fils de la soeur de monsieur le baron et d’un bon et honnête gentilhomme du voisinage, que cette demoiselle ne voulut jamais épouser parce qu’il n’avait pu prouver que soixante et onze quartiers, et que le reste de son arbre généalogique avait été perdu par l’injure du temps.
Monsieur le baron était un des plus puissants seigneurs de la Westphalie, car son château avait une porte et des fenêtres. Sa grande salle même était ornée d’une tapisserie. Tous les chiens de ses basses-cours composaient une meute dans le besoin; ses palefreniers étaient ses piqueurs; le vicaire du village était son grand-aumônier. Ils l’appelaient tous monseigneur, et ils riaient quand il fesait des contes.
Madame la baronne, qui pesait environ trois cent cinquante livres, s’attirait par là une très grande considération, et fesait les honneurs de la maison avec une dignité qui la rendait encore plus respectable. Sa fille Cunégonde, âgée de dix-sept ans, était haute en couleur, fraîche, grasse, appétissante. Le fils du baron paraissait en tout digne de son père. Le précepteur Pangloss était l’oracle de la maison, et le petit Candide écoutait ses leçons avec toute la bonne foi de son âge et de son caractère.
Pangloss enseignait la métaphysico-théologo-cosmolonigologie. Il prouvait admirablement qu’il n’y a point d’effet sans cause, et que, dans ce meilleur des mondes possibles, le château de monseigneur le baron était le plus beau des châteaux, et madame la meilleure des baronnes possibles.
Il est démontré, disait-il, que les choses ne peuvent être autrement; car tout étant fait pour une fin, tout est nécessairement pour la meilleure fin. Remarquez bien que les nez ont été faits pour porter des lunettes; aussi avons-nous des lunettes. Les jambes sont visiblement instituées pour être chaussées, et nous avons des chausses. Les pierres ont été formées pour être taillées et pour en faire des châteaux; aussi monseigneur a un très beau château: le plus grand baron de la province doit être le mieux logé; et les cochons étant faits pour être mangés, nous mangeons du porc toute l’année: par conséquent, ceux qui ont avancé que tout est bien ont dit une sottise; il fallait dire que tout est au mieux.
Candide écoutait attentivement, et croyait innocemment; car il trouvait mademoiselle Cunégonde extrêmement belle, quoiqu’il ne prît jamais la hardiesse de le lui dire. Il concluait qu’après le bonheur d’être né baron de Thunder-ten-tronckh, le second degré de bonheur était d’être mademoiselle Cunégonde; le troisième, de la voir tous les jours; et le quatrième, d’entendre maître Pangloss, le plus grand philosophe de la province, et par conséquent de toute la terre.
Un jour Cunégonde, en se promenant auprès du château, dans le petit bois qu’on appelait parc, vit entre des broussailles le docteur Pangloss qui donnait une leçon de physique expérimentale à la femme de chambre de sa mère, petite brune très jolie et très docile. Comme mademoiselle Cunégonde avait beaucoup de disposition pour les sciences, elle observa, sans souffler, les expériences réitérées dont elle fut témoin; elle vit clairement la raison suffisante du docteur, les effets et les causes, et s’en retourna tout agitée, toute pensive, toute remplie du désir d’être savante, songeant qu’elle pourrait bien être la raison suffisante du jeune Candide, qui pouvait aussi être la sienne.
Elle rencontra Candide en revenant au château, et rougit: Candide rougit aussi. Elle lui dit bonjour d’une voix entrecoupée; et Candide lui parla sans savoir ce qu’il disait. Le lendemain, après le dîner, comme on sortait de table, Cunégonde et Candide se trouvèrent derrière un paravent; Cunégonde laissa tomber son mouchoir, Candide le ramassa; elle lui prit innocemment la main; le jeune homme baisa innocemment la main de la jeune demoiselle avec une vivacité, une sensibilité, une grâce toute particulière; leurs bouches se rencontrèrent, leurs yeux s’enflammèrent, leurs genoux tremblèrent, leurs mains s’égarèrent. M. le baron de Thunder-ten-tronckh passa auprès du paravent, et voyant cette cause et cet effet, chassa Candide du château à grands coups de pied dans le derrière. Cunégonde s’évanouit: elle fut souffletée par madame la baronne dès qu’elle fut revenue à elle-même; et tout fut consterné dans le plus beau et le plus agréable des châteaux possibles.
Musean translation
Mouseia’s complete machine-assisted Musean translation, made directly from the French text of all thirty chapters (Beuchot edition, 1829) for fidelity, the author’s force and cadence, and modern clarity. The editor’s notes are omitted.
How Candide Was Raised in a Fine Castle, and How He Was Driven from It.
In Westphalia, in the castle of the Baron of Thunder-ten-tronckh, there lived a young man whom nature had endowed with the gentlest manners. His face reflected his soul. His judgment was sound enough, though his mind was simplicity itself; that, I believe, is why they called him Candide. The old servants of the house suspected that he was the son of the baron's sister and a worthy and honorable gentleman of the neighborhood, whom the young lady had refused to marry because he could prove only seventy-one quarters of noble ancestry, the rest of his family tree having been lost to the ravages of time.
The baron was one of the most powerful lords in Westphalia, for his castle had a door and windows. His great hall was even adorned with a tapestry. All the dogs from his farmyards made up a hunting pack when needed; his stablehands served as his huntsmen; the village curate was his grand chaplain. They all called him my lord, and laughed when he told stories.
The baroness, who weighed about three hundred and fifty pounds, thereby commanded the greatest consideration, and presided over the household with a dignity that made her still more respected. Her daughter Cunégonde, aged seventeen, was rosy-cheeked, fresh, plump, and appetizing. The baron's son seemed in every way worthy of his father. The tutor Pangloss was the oracle of the household, and young Candide listened to his lessons with all the trustfulness of his age and temperament.
Pangloss taught metaphysico-theologo-cosmolonigology. He proved admirably that there is no effect without a cause, and that, in this best of all possible worlds, my lord the baron's castle was the finest of castles, and my lady the finest of all possible baronesses.
“It has been demonstrated,” he said, “that things cannot be otherwise; for since everything is made for an end, everything must necessarily be for the best end. Observe that noses were made to carry spectacles; thus we have spectacles. Legs were plainly designed to wear stockings, and we have stockings. Stones were formed to be cut and made into castles; thus my lord has a very fine castle: the greatest baron in the province must have the finest lodging. And since pigs were made to be eaten, we eat pork all year round. Consequently, those who have declared that all is well have spoken foolishly; they should have said that all is for the best.”
Candide listened closely and believed with innocent faith, for he found Cunégonde extraordinarily beautiful, though he never dared tell her so. He concluded that, after the happiness of being born the Baron of Thunder-ten-tronckh, the second degree of happiness was to be Cunégonde; the third was to see her every day; and the fourth was to hear Master Pangloss, the greatest philosopher in the province, and therefore on the whole earth.
One day, while walking near the castle in the little wood they called a park, Cunégonde saw Doctor Pangloss among the bushes giving a lesson in experimental physics to her mother's maid, a very pretty and very receptive little brunette. As Cunégonde had a considerable aptitude for the sciences, she watched, without breathing a word, the repeated experiments she witnessed. She saw clearly the doctor's sufficient reason, the effects and the causes, and returned in a flutter, deep in thought, filled with the desire for knowledge, reflecting that she might well be young Candide's sufficient reason, as he might be hers.
On her way back to the castle she met Candide and blushed; Candide blushed too. She greeted him in a faltering voice, and Candide answered without knowing what he said. The next day, after dinner, as everyone rose from the table, Cunégonde and Candide found themselves behind a screen. Cunégonde dropped her handkerchief; Candide picked it up. She innocently took his hand; the young man innocently kissed the young lady's hand with singular ardor, feeling, and grace. Their lips met, their eyes caught fire, their knees trembled, their hands wandered. The Baron of Thunder-ten-tronckh passed by the screen and, seeing this cause and this effect, drove Candide from the castle with a volley of kicks to the backside. Cunégonde fainted; the baroness slapped her as soon as she came to; and consternation filled the finest and most delightful of all possible castles.
Plain English translation
Mouseia’s complete Plain English edition, made independently and directly from the French text of all thirty chapters (Beuchot edition, 1829). The editor’s notes are omitted.
How Candide was raised in a fine castle, and how he was driven out of it.
In Westphalia, in the castle of the Baron of Thunder-ten-tronckh, there lived a young man whom nature had given the gentlest disposition. His face showed what he was like inside. He had fairly sound judgment and a very simple mind. That, I think, is why they called him Candide. The old servants of the household suspected he was the son of the baron's sister and a decent, honest gentleman who lived nearby. She had never agreed to marry the man because he could prove only seventy-one noble ancestors, and time had destroyed the rest of his family tree.
The baron was one of the most powerful lords in Westphalia, because his castle had a door and windows. Even his great hall had a tapestry on the wall. When necessary, all the dogs in his farmyards made up a hunting pack. His stablehands served as his huntsmen, and the village curate was his chief chaplain. Everyone called him "my lord," and everyone laughed when he told stories.
The baroness weighed about three hundred and fifty pounds, which earned her a great deal of respect. She presided over the household with a dignity that made her even more respected. Her daughter Cunégonde was seventeen, rosy-cheeked, fresh, plump, and appetizing. The baron's son seemed worthy of his father in every way. Their tutor Pangloss was the household authority on every subject, and young Candide listened to his lessons with all the trust that came with his age and nature.
Pangloss taught metaphysico-theologico-cosmonigology. He proved brilliantly that there is no effect without a cause, and that in this best of all possible worlds, the baron's castle was the finest of all castles and the baroness the best possible baroness.
"It has been proved," he said, "that things cannot be otherwise. Everything was made for a purpose, so everything must serve the best purpose. Notice that noses were made to hold glasses; that is why we have glasses. Legs were clearly designed to wear stockings, and so we have stockings. Stones were made to be cut and turned into castles, and so my lord has a very fine castle. The greatest baron in the province must have the best home. And since pigs were made to be eaten, we eat pork all year round. Therefore, people who have said that all is well were talking nonsense. They should have said that everything is for the best."
Candide listened closely and believed him without question, for he thought Miss Cunégonde extremely beautiful, though he never dared tell her so. He decided that being born the Baron of Thunder-ten-tronckh was the greatest happiness. The next greatest was being Miss Cunégonde, the third was seeing her every day, and the fourth was hearing Master Pangloss, the greatest philosopher in the province and therefore in the whole world.
One day Cunégonde was walking near the castle in a little wood they called a park. Among the bushes she saw Doctor Pangloss giving her mother's chambermaid a lesson in experimental physics. The girl was small, dark-haired, very pretty, and very willing to learn. Miss Cunégonde had a strong interest in science, so she silently watched the repeated experiments before her. She clearly saw the doctor's sufficient reason, the effects and their causes. She went back deeply stirred and thoughtful, full of the desire to learn. She reflected that she might well be young Candide's sufficient reason, just as he could be hers.
She met Candide on her way back to the castle and blushed. Candide blushed too. She greeted him in a broken voice, and he spoke without knowing what he was saying. The next day after dinner, as everyone left the table, Cunégonde and Candide found themselves behind a screen. Cunégonde dropped her handkerchief, and Candide picked it up. She took his hand innocently, and he innocently kissed hers with remarkable eagerness, feeling, and grace. Their mouths met, their eyes lit up, their knees shook, and their hands wandered. The Baron of Thunder-ten-tronckh came past the screen, saw this cause and its effect, and kicked Candide out of the castle. Cunégonde fainted. As soon as she came around, the baroness slapped her. And everyone in the finest and most pleasant of all possible castles was dismayed.